The prettiest girl I know!
Sometimes being a woman can make you wince and cringe about your very existence. I can easily say every woman would have asked "the" question- "Why was I born a woman?" at least once in her lifetime. Besides enduring the biological fluctuations of various degrees in physical and mental health at different points in time, she has to remain strong, empowered and independent regardless of situations that might bring her to her knees. This is my humble attempt to share a story which is very close to my heart and has been long due.
When I was a little girl, it was customary to spend our summer vacation at my grandparents' farm house. We had a joint family wherein my two uncles and their families, lived under the same roof. One of my uncle's daughter, around two years elder to me, also came to spend her summer with us. It was a crazy set-up with my granny trying to manage the extravagantly rampant kids who
created a menace, molesting the pets, wrecking the farm, plucking mangoes etc. To add to that havoc, my brother was frequently summoned for lectures to spare the neighbour kids. I must say, I was more than happy to be part of a joint family and I looked forward to finishing my exams to meet my very special cousin who was more of a soul sister to me. She took care of me and protected me from my brothers who were plain evil! I knew I had a strange attachment with her. She was bright, confident and even though was not much into studies she had a warm persona. We cried truck load of tears while departing as we knew we would meet only the coming year.
This madness continued till we almost reached seventh grade, after which most of us stopped visiting my grandparents' house during vacations and started pursuing different things and moved to different places. Naturally, at that time, since we didn't have mobile phones or telephones widely available, our meetups became less frequent.
When I was 15, I overheard my aunt saying that my cousin suffered from a reproductive disorder called "Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser" syndrome where women usually do not have menstrual periods due to the underdeveloped or absent uterus. After taking a second, third and "n" number of opinions from doctors all over India, her parents gave up and just hoped that she would somehow learn to live with it someday. I noticed a complete transformation in her behaviour. She completely abandoned attending gatherings where people talked about her disability on her face. She house arrested herself and strictly disagreed to go out which eventually disconnected us for quite a few years. We had completely stopped discussing boys and marriages when she was around. We told her we all hated to undergo puberty and she was the luckiest. But we were only naive and didn't realize the gravity of her pain. I now understand what she missed as a woman.
I worried how the society was responsible for a wonderful girl with tremendous potential for being wasted due to her fertility issues. The more you realize your limitations the more your obsession grows. She considered adoption but she herself was a liability to her parents because of giving up on her career and education, hence feared the failure of providing a child. When we were kids, she always thought- she was unattractive, now she felt worthless too. In my eyes, she will always be the prettiest girl I know.
Unfortunately, after all that Indian society boasts of, it boils down to the fact that infertility is yet one of the major issues our culture finds socially unacceptable. The mentality where people feel adoption is a taboo and every woman is meant to bear children at some point of time or she fails the primary credential of womanhood. The whole set up makes me rethink if this is the kind of environment or culture I want to live in. It smothers you, leaves you helpless and makes you feel unworthy of life.
A few weeks ago, to my dismay, my uncle paid us a visit. He's a silent observer one can find in the pictures only during historical events of our family. He said- a family approached them with a marriage proposal, the man had a two year old daughter and a bedridden wife. His wife suffered from a malignant and had very little time. It was her last wish to see her child and husband in safe hands who could promise them love like herself. She didn't want to depart the child motherless. My sister was moved by their situation and agreed for the marriage. Her happiness was boundless. She was bestowed the opportunity to mother a child and help someone in need. Some women have always amused me by demonstrating extraordinary levels of kindness and compassion if need be. I wish I could share those beautiful pictures I took of her family at her wedding but I'm authorized to share the story alone.
I feel it was a magical end to her sufferings. Something she had only dreamed of. There are countless women in India who undergo such mental trauma and hundreds of children devoid of parental love. Not all women have the courage to stand up for their rights and not all children have the privilege of leading a regular life. They silently wait to be embraced and accepted of their disabilities and shortcomings. I'm quite certain my sister feels alive and empowered all over again but the scars left behind by the society will remain forever.
When I was a little girl, it was customary to spend our summer vacation at my grandparents' farm house. We had a joint family wherein my two uncles and their families, lived under the same roof. One of my uncle's daughter, around two years elder to me, also came to spend her summer with us. It was a crazy set-up with my granny trying to manage the extravagantly rampant kids who
created a menace, molesting the pets, wrecking the farm, plucking mangoes etc. To add to that havoc, my brother was frequently summoned for lectures to spare the neighbour kids. I must say, I was more than happy to be part of a joint family and I looked forward to finishing my exams to meet my very special cousin who was more of a soul sister to me. She took care of me and protected me from my brothers who were plain evil! I knew I had a strange attachment with her. She was bright, confident and even though was not much into studies she had a warm persona. We cried truck load of tears while departing as we knew we would meet only the coming year.
This madness continued till we almost reached seventh grade, after which most of us stopped visiting my grandparents' house during vacations and started pursuing different things and moved to different places. Naturally, at that time, since we didn't have mobile phones or telephones widely available, our meetups became less frequent.
When I was 15, I overheard my aunt saying that my cousin suffered from a reproductive disorder called "Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser" syndrome where women usually do not have menstrual periods due to the underdeveloped or absent uterus. After taking a second, third and "n" number of opinions from doctors all over India, her parents gave up and just hoped that she would somehow learn to live with it someday. I noticed a complete transformation in her behaviour. She completely abandoned attending gatherings where people talked about her disability on her face. She house arrested herself and strictly disagreed to go out which eventually disconnected us for quite a few years. We had completely stopped discussing boys and marriages when she was around. We told her we all hated to undergo puberty and she was the luckiest. But we were only naive and didn't realize the gravity of her pain. I now understand what she missed as a woman.
I worried how the society was responsible for a wonderful girl with tremendous potential for being wasted due to her fertility issues. The more you realize your limitations the more your obsession grows. She considered adoption but she herself was a liability to her parents because of giving up on her career and education, hence feared the failure of providing a child. When we were kids, she always thought- she was unattractive, now she felt worthless too. In my eyes, she will always be the prettiest girl I know.
Unfortunately, after all that Indian society boasts of, it boils down to the fact that infertility is yet one of the major issues our culture finds socially unacceptable. The mentality where people feel adoption is a taboo and every woman is meant to bear children at some point of time or she fails the primary credential of womanhood. The whole set up makes me rethink if this is the kind of environment or culture I want to live in. It smothers you, leaves you helpless and makes you feel unworthy of life.
A few weeks ago, to my dismay, my uncle paid us a visit. He's a silent observer one can find in the pictures only during historical events of our family. He said- a family approached them with a marriage proposal, the man had a two year old daughter and a bedridden wife. His wife suffered from a malignant and had very little time. It was her last wish to see her child and husband in safe hands who could promise them love like herself. She didn't want to depart the child motherless. My sister was moved by their situation and agreed for the marriage. Her happiness was boundless. She was bestowed the opportunity to mother a child and help someone in need. Some women have always amused me by demonstrating extraordinary levels of kindness and compassion if need be. I wish I could share those beautiful pictures I took of her family at her wedding but I'm authorized to share the story alone.
I feel it was a magical end to her sufferings. Something she had only dreamed of. There are countless women in India who undergo such mental trauma and hundreds of children devoid of parental love. Not all women have the courage to stand up for their rights and not all children have the privilege of leading a regular life. They silently wait to be embraced and accepted of their disabilities and shortcomings. I'm quite certain my sister feels alive and empowered all over again but the scars left behind by the society will remain forever.
